| |
|||
| Om. |
|||
|
|
|||
| My
Meeting with Ramana
|
|||
|
Q:
Today is Ramana's birthday. I'd like to ask you to say something about
Ramana.
Papaji:
This is a long story so I will tell you in a short version about my
contact with him, and something of what came before also.
Ramana
was the son of an advocate. He was studying in a mission school. In
his boyhood, one day he was going to school on the day when the fees
were due. He had taken money and was going to school to pay his fees.
On the way he felt as though he were dying. He lay down on the road
on the way to and began to inquire: '"Who is dead? Who is dead?
The body is lying here, but I see I am not dead. This body is dead
and I am conscious that I am not dead." This was his experience.
He found the Eternal Consciousness which never dies. The body may
die, like clothes. Worn out clothes are thrown away and you get new
ones to be worn again.
It
started like this, but then he wanted to find out what it was. There
was nobody to speak to him. After this experience he wanted to see
what this experience was. He disappeared from the town of his parents.
He had heard people speaking of a pilgrimage place called Mount Arunachala.
He wanted to go there and he had the fees in his pocket. So he went
to the railway station and the money did not cover the whole journey.
He told the booking clerk, "Give me a ticket as far as my money
goes." He bought a ticket to a place called Tirkalur, 20 miles
short of his destination. He was wearing gold earrings, so when he
got down at the station he was able to sell them to someone and to
complete his journey.
He
started meditation to locate what the consciousness was. For years
he was not heard of. Sometimes he was going to beg for bicksar.
No one knew who this
person is. After many years people started going to him. When the
light shines everyone is attracted. People from all over the world
went to him and stayed. There are still people there. It was a forest
on the slopes of this hill, and now it has become an international
centre.
Many
people were seeing him, many people were going to him, kings and presidents
of other countries were going to him. I never knew because he was
in the South of India and I was in the North. I was searching for
a guru but somehow I didn't like any of them because I found only
commercialization.
I
went to the Himalayas. I went around to all the well known gurus.
I went to Rishikesh, to Uttarpashi, to Tapawanum, to Haridwar. I also
went to traditional gurus. I wandered by the bank of Ganga, to Kashipuri.
I went down to the desert, down to the South - I went everywhere.
Everywhere I went they wanted to initiate me and asked me to do sadhana.
When
I had gone and sat with them my question was only, "Can you show
me God? Have you seen Him? If you have seen Him, can you show me?
What fees do I have to pay you? If you have not seen and you cannot
show me, tell me straight forward that you have not seen Him and you
cannot show me." But this much nobody dared to tell. They would
say, "You have to sit down and do sadhana."
I
said, "Why sadhana? When I go to a shop I have money in my pocket,
he has the commodity I want. He will not tell me. 'You first meditate
in front of the shop then I will give it to you." Nobody will
say this. If you have something give it to me and ask me any price,
I will pay the price. I will serve you all my life."
But
they would only say, "You have to go through a long sadhana."
In Rishikesh a man had been doing sadhana for 50 years. He was pointing
at me saying, "Look at this man!" Everyone was laughing.
"This man is standing in an army dress. ‘Show me God,’ he says."
They were mocking me. They were making a joke of me, standing asking
them to show me God. "Is not something to be shown. He doesn't
go through sadhana; he does not agree with sadhana."
There
was one swami in Tapowan. He was very well known and very old, about
88 years old. But then I saw he was having a court case with one very
poor sadhu just occupying a thatch hut. He said, "He is
occupying my place. He doesn't vacate. I will get an advocate.” He
had plenty of land and this was only one man not harming anyone, only
mediating alone. He was living there in a place ten feet by ten feet
in one corner of the land. The swami wanted to make a wall there.
Somehow I didn't like, he wanted to throw this sadhu out. When he
has about ten acres of land why doesn't he allow him a space ten feet
by ten feet. After all, he is a sadhu. He was bringing an eviction
order and all that. I didn't like. I saw so many people like this
and I returned back home. Very much disappointed and dejected I returned
home. And the money that I had saved I spent already.
One
day I was going to take lunch and I saw a man standing outside. I
asked him, "If you want to take, come in and take food with me.
And if you want monetary help I will help you. If you want food come
in." He came in. I asked my mother to bring another plate of
food and gave it to him. And then I asked him, "Are you a sannyasin?
You must traveling throughout the country. Have you come across any
person who is God-realized, who is enlightened and free? Have you
seen anyone? If you have, give me the address; I will go to see him."
He gave me an address and I noted down for the first time the name
of a town called Tiruvanamalai, and he told me how to get there. Then
he went away.
I
decided not to tell my wife or my parents what had happened. I went
out to the town. I had no funds as I had spent everything in my search
for a guru and my father would not give me any money. When I was walking
in the town an old friend called out to me - we had done physical
exercises together. "You have not been seen around here. I heard
that you had joined the army and since then we have not seen you."
I sat down with him and saw an old Punjab newspaper lying in his shop
on the table, the Old Tribune was the name. Immediately my eye went
to the wanted advertisements. It was written, they required one ex-army
officer to work in our CBI stores to supply army supplies to some
British shipment. They were contractors in Pishawar and one unit was
going to Madras. I saw a man was advertising for an ex-army officer
to serve in Madras. So I applied and they sent me money to cover my
first class ticket, and gave me one month's time to report. I said
to myself “I've got money now." With that money I went straight
in search of Ramana Maharshi's ashram at Arunachala.
I
got down at the railway station and booked a bullock cart, which was
the local transportation. I went to the ashram, and left all my baggage
outside. I was going to start my work in Madras so I had all my bedding
with me. I left it outside and went into the hall where a man was
sitting. As soon as I saw this man I recognized that it was the same
man who had given me the address in Punjab. I became very angry with
him. I didn't go to see him. I didn't even enter the hall. I just
went to find another cart to go back to the railway station. There
was a Parsi man there; his name was Thromji. Later on we became friends.
He came to me and said, "You seem to be a North Indian."
"Yes, I am," I replied. "Then how is it that you have
just arrived and now you are going back?" I told him, "This
man is a fraud! He met me just fifteen days ago in Punjab and he gave
me his own address that he is a God-realized man." "No,
no," he said. It's not possible. You are making a mistake."
I said, "How can I make a mistake? I am not mad. He is the same
man. I am quite fit, both in body and mind. I cannot make such a mistake.
In only fifteen days I cannot forget. He is the same man."
He
said, "No. This man has not moved from this place in 50 years.
You can ask anyone. Either you have seen someone else and you are
mistaking the identity, or this man must have appeared to you through
his own power to help you. We have heard of some three or four instances.
So come with me, I will introduce you to the manager of this ashram
and you can stay in the guest house." So he took me and insisted
that I went there, and they give me a place to stay.
Then
I went inside. He was not speaking to anybody. Everybody was quiet,
but something was going on in this silence. For the first time I saw
this happening without talking. Something was there; some vibration
was there which was entering into my heart. After about 10 minutes
there was a bell for lunch. Maharishi got up, everybody got up - there
were maybe 15 or 20 people there - and we all went in the hall to
take lunch together. Then Maharshi went back to his hall alone; no
one else followed him. After lunch Maharshi took rest, and then people
came again in the hall at 2:30. I never knew this rule. So seeing
him alone I went in straight away, but as I was going in the attendant
stopped me. He said, "You come back at 2:30." Maharshi was
looking and he signaled me to come in.
I
went inside and asked him, "It was you wasn't it, who saw me
and gave me your own address in Punjab?" He kept quiet. "If
it was you why didn't you tell me? I wanted to see God. Why you didn't
do it there, and why have you called me here? I have come here and
you don't speak with me. I do not understand." Still he was silent.
I said, "I do not understand your silence. Please speak to me."
Still he was silent. Still he was silent, so I was not very happy.
I
was in love with Lord Krishna since my boyhood. It was a constant
force in my life. So I said, "Ok, this place is very nice, I
like this place. This mountain is very beautiful, there are forests,
there are monkeys, there are peacocks. I will live here. I will go
to the forest and stay there." I went to the forest. I had a
month before I had to join my duties and I had used up only five days.
So I went to the other side of the hill for some time, knowing I could
join my duties later on and knowing I was in a good place.
Then
the time came for me to go, so I decided to go and prostrate before
him and then to leave. I came to him. He was there again, and once
again he was alone. Very few people went to see him, very few. He
asked me, "Why didn't you come for so many days?" I was
very proud. I said, "I have been playing with my God." "Very
good, very well." He said. "You have been playing with God?"
"Yes, I was. I have always been."
"Do you see him now? Do you see him now?"
"Not now," I said. "Not now. When I have vision
I see him, sometimes in the night also. When I have vision I see him,
not always. That's why I want to see him always."
Then
he said, "God does not appear and disappear."
For
the first time I heard this: "God is reality itself. God doesn't
disappear. He is appearance itself. So what appears and disappears
is only mental, is only imagination." I didn't like this philosophy
that I was hearing. "The god appeared and disappeared. And the
seer is still here, he who has seen god is still here. Find out who
the seer is."
I
had never been confronted at any time by anyone with this question
before. Neither the living saints nor any of the past saints I had
heard about could confront you like this, with this question: "Find
out who the seer is. Find out who you are. That does not disappear.
Always it is there, whether you are awake or dreaming or asleep. This
seer is always there. Now you tell me who this seer is."
No
answer came for this question but I had an experience to find out
the source of ‘I’. It worked it my case. On my first trip to the guru
I found it. Actually the seer was always there; the source of ‘I’
was always there. He simply asked me to, "Find out who the seer
is." That's what he said. In his presence I experienced the seer,
what it was. It was so quick. My body was vibrating and became One.
I did not understand this tremendous bliss, this tremendous happiness,
this beauty, in just an instant.
This
teaching is the ultimate teaching, which I try to present to you every
day. I don't think any other teaching is worth striving for except
to discover your own Self. Later on, if you need anything else you
may go in search of it. Here and now find out who you are. This is
the ultimate Reality, this is the ultimate teaching. I don't think
any other teaching can surpass this teaching. Know your Self and then
know the rest, if it is needed. This false appearance will disappear
in the recognition of your own Self. This false appearance will not
show up again when the Real is revealed to you. That has no
form and no name; That has no geographical location anywhere,
neither inside nor outside. This is Eternal Rest. Each of you is already
in this. The only impediment is your preoccupation with something
else, with something unreal. That is the only hindrance. Otherwise
this Freedom, this Wisdom, this Beauty, this Love is always inviting
you. You only have to turn your attention within your own Self and
you see that you have always been free. This is your own nature.
There
is no need to seek, no need to hunt it down anywhere else. It is already
here. You only have to abandon the notion that, "I am bound.
I am suffering. I am born. I have to die." This is simply a notion
that you have entertained somehow, due to your unmindfulness. This
will disappear instantly when you want it to, when you need it to,
when you desire it, instantly this is here. You do not need to go
and search for it - it is not an object to search for. It is your
very inner nature. It is very close, closer even than your breath.
When something is closer and nearer than the breath what effort do
you need to meet it? It is so near, so dear, so intimate to you, but
you are lost in fulfilling your desires with those things or people
which are not worth making friends with. They appear and disappear
- they are not permanent, they are not real. So what is the use of
that hunt which is not abiding, which is not living, which is not
eternal, which is disturbing? It's not wise to purchase disturbance
for nothing. If you are a good buyer you will make a bargain for those
things which do not disappear. That will be the real diamond, and
having that you will not see your poverty.
I
went away to Madras and joined my duty. They gave me a very good bungalow
and a car. Every Saturday we had half day of work, and Sunday was
a full day off. So I started coming every weekend for a day and a
half. Whenever I got holidays I went there for some months. Then the
partitioning of India was going to take place and some friends living
permanently in the ashram asked me which part of Punjab I belonged
to, to the West or East? I
said: "West, other side of the river."
"Do you know that place is now Pakistan?" I was not
reading any papers, nor interested in politics. I never knew anything.
He asked me, "What about your family?"
I said, "Everybody is in Punjab, in West Punjab. Nobody
is in India except myself."
He said, "Why don't you go and take care of them?"
I said, "No, it's over now; my connection with my family
is over. After seeing this man, I have no connection whatsoever with
anybody."
He
told Maharishi what I had said. So as I was going on my evening walk
Maharishi was there with a few people. He asked Maharishi about my
situation, that India was going to be partitioned and my family was
in Pakistan. Maharishi asked me, "Why don't you go?"
And I said, "It was a dream. It was a dream; I had a wife,
I had children and I had parents, I have relations. It was a dream.
My dream is over now."
"Oh, very good if your dream is over. A dream is a dream,
so why are you are afraid of a dream? If you know it is a dream go
and see the dream then."
I
saw he was winning a point and I wouldn't allow it. So I said, "No.
Now I am physically attached to you, I have physical attachment. I
cannot leave you. I want to stay with you. I'll let anything happen,
whatever it is. I can't save anybody."
Then
he looked at me and said, "I am with you wherever you are."
These are the words in my mind. They helped me even when I left. There
was no trouble for any of my family. I brought back them back to Lucknow
in August of '47. There was no trouble. There was trouble all around
but it was very safe for us. The guru, the master helps everywhere.
|
