Arrival in Lucknow
I
took my family to Lucknow because I had a friend there from my time in
the army whom I knew I could rely on for help. With his assistance I
found suitable accommodation. There was no question of my returning to
the Maharshi because I was the only potential earner in our group.
Refugees fleeing Pakistan for India were stripped of all their
possessions before they left. Even personal jewellery was taken.
Arriving in India with little more than the clothes we were wearing, it
became my responsibility to feed, clothe and support this vast group of
destitute refugees.
Having listened to the Maharshi for several years, I knew by heart the
advice he always gave to householders: ‘Abide as the Self and do
your duties in the world without being attached to them in any way.’
For the next few years I had ample opportunity to live this philosophy.
‘That old life was only a dream,’ I said. ‘I dreamed I had a wife
and a family. When I met you, you ended my dream. I have no family any
more, I only have you.’
The Maharshi countered by saying, ‘But if you know that your family is
a dream, what difference does it make if you remain in that dream and do
your duty? Why are you afraid of going if it is only a dream?’
I then explained the main reason for my reluctance to go. ‘I am far
too attached to your physical form. I cannot leave you. I love you so
much I cannot take my eyes off you. How can I leave?’
‘I am with you wherever you are,’ was his answer. From the way he
spoke to me I could see that he was determined that I should go. His
last statement was, in effect, a benediction for my forthcoming trip and
for my future life in general.
I immediately understood the deep significance of his remark. The
‘I’ which was my Master’s real nature was also my own inner
reality. How could I ever be away from that ‘I’? It was my own Self,
and both my Master and I knew that nothing else existed.
I had to work night and day to keep the family going. I have always been a big, strong man, and in my youth I was a successful wrestler.
But even with all this strength at my disposal, I had a gruelling, arduous
time trying to keep up with all the needs and expectations of thirty-four
dependants, all of us stranded in a strange land.It did not help matters
that my family did not feel any need to economise. On the rare
occasions I came home I would find a housefull of women, drinking cups
of tea and frying mountains of pakoras.
I remember buying an eighteen-kilo tin of cooking oil for them almost
every week.
At 8.47, on the evening of April 14th, 1950, I was walking down a street in Lucknow. I suddenly felt an enormous spasm in my chest which nearly knocked me to the ground. I thought it must be some sort of heart attack. A few seconds later I saw a few people pointing up to a large meteor which was trailing across the sky. This was the meteor which thousands of people all over India saw in the first few seconds after the Maharshi’s death. Many people have said that they knew instinctively that the appearance of the meteor signified that the Maharshi was dead. This never occurred to me at the time. I only found out about his death when I listened to the news on the radio the following day.